found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
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Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
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OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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