She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
