I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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