Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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