i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
