so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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