And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I have peed in a lot of sinks
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
