i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
