No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just forgot I was standing up.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
