why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
