I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My ass is underappreciated
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
