The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
