Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
