omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
