I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
