Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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