drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wish I only lived at night.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
