Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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