Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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