i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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