Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
