I got chris browned last night
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
