lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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