at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
