sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
