we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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