I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
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Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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