There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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