my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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