Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
