His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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