his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
