Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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