Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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