Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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