The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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