Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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