I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
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i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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