never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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