There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
