I smell stomach acid.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
