This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
