he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize