Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
