Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I smell like Dick and happiness
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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