I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
