Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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