I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
