his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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