I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
