hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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