I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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