Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
