apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
