My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
