Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize