highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
