best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
