i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
